Shopping Day Equals Irish Guilt

Every time I go shopping I feel pangs of guilt because I refuse to take my Mother shopping. It certainly was one of her favorite things and one of my most frustrating experiences. It was extremely difficult to watch her as she aimlessly meandering through the aisles lost and confused with little or nothing in her cart. She heard little and was occasionally frightened by persons blazing through the aisles like a NASCAR event. It was particularly disconcerting to find her communing with the avocados for 45 minutes. She reacted angrily when you questioned or if you tried to move her along. Shopping is a get in, get out deal for me and anything that gets in the way of that is discombobulating. It doesn't change the fact that I feel like I am depriving her of a chance to get out of the house. I just can't/won't do it anymore. The guilt persists.

Today was a major shopping day and I struggle to find things that Ma can prepare in the microwave or eat without preparation. This week I got cereal, individual cups of applesauce, bow tie pasta, sauce, apple juice, broccoli steamers, pizzas, precooked cheeseburgers, tea bags, toilet paper (a 30 roll stash), and the only things she really cares about, ice cream and danish. I put away $200 in groceries with Ma standing in the bathroom oblivious that I had returned. At least she had her clothes on.

I have been struggling with what to do about Ma's incontinence. It embarrasses her and it is frustrating for me to come up with a solution that is not demeaning to her. A friend suggested a pad and when I first spoke to Ma about them she became angry. Today was my Waterloo as I brought home 120 of these accident guards and asked Ma if she new what they were for. I then told her she must start using them, I felt like a parent chiding there child about wetting the bed. I really don't like times like these. Times when our rolls reverse and she becomes child and I become parent. I can't imagine it is any easier for her, probably harder.

I went on a cleaning spree this weekend with the nice weather (60 to 70 degrees). I opened all the windows to get the stale winter smell out, used carpet sanitizer, bleached the tea stains from the sink and rearranged the furniture. Since then Ma has come in the front room at least 20 times to make the same pronouncement that she likes the way things were placed. She uses the same tone like she is seeing it for the first time. I do wish I had a little more patience with these things as I find the endless prattle uncomfortable. I would welcome some private time with an engaging adult to wax philosophic about nothing in particular while solving the problems of the world. The one rule of engagement would be that you can't say the same thing twice and if you err you get your head dunked in the necessary bowl, the one that flushes.