Disturbing things go on everyday but I seem blissfully unaffected. I don't know if unaffected is the right word, ambivalent?, depressed?, concerned?. Mom is certainly declining and that seems to make me less passionate about her idiosyncrasies. I still buy more toilet paper than some 3rd world nations, I still have to force feed her medications, I still bleach tea stains out of the sink, I still play volume police with the TV, but I don't seem to be experiencing these things as emotionally these days. I think the inevitability of her moving on is weighing heavily on me.
Ma is sleeping a lot. She is run down and disinterested in living. She goes through the motions of cleaning and dressing every day but lacks any real energy. Her breathing is labored and her night terrors are pronounced. It is hard to get angry when she is in such difficulty. I have found myself contemplating her frustration and sense of inadequacy as she is unable to do anything that is complicated or requires concentration. It can't be pleasant to be that dependent on someone for your simplest needs.
I believe I will come home some day soon and she will have moved on. I check her every day when I come through the door. Is she still breathing? Is there evidence that she has been up and about? Are there new tea stains in the sink? Has the newspaper been read? Ma needs to move on. To escape this frustrating prison which has become her life. Will I really be prepared for the final chapter in my own life when there are no more shanty elders for me to take care of.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Volunteers come in all sizes and shapes.
I recently escorted my father to his final reward and I am primary caregiver to my elderly mother who has dementia. I am most interested in sharing those experiences in a humorous light to keep from going crazy myself.
Shanty Irish Eldercare Volunteer
Volunteers come in all sizes and shapes.
