Shanty Caregiver Loses Position To Ma's Little Old Man

     This may very well be my last blog under this heading.  It appears I have lost my Shanty Caregiver job to that little old man that visits Ma and sits at the kitchen table when no one else is home.  She was admitted to the hospital on Monday for breathing problems and a urinary tract infection and when her friend came to visit, floating outside her third floor window, the staff became alarmed.  With a little further questioning Ma revealed that she wouldn't stay in their hospital because of her visitor and the bugs that covered all the walls and her bed.  They seemed to think this was some kind of delusion and called to ask me if this was a regular occurrence and how I had been handling it.  I suggested they put Ma in the hall, close the door, make some noise, reopen the door and tell Ma that you had chased them away.  They asked how long this had been going on and I really couldn't remember.  When you spend years chasing away imaginary intruders and shooing varmints it is difficult to pinpoint where the madness began.  I told them about Ma's TP core collection as I was concerned that they may need to contact their supplier if Ma was to stay any length of time.  They intimated to me that they felt Ma may have misplaced her sanity, I asked them what was there first clue.  They told me she needed twenty four hour supervised care and wanted to know how I was going to provide it.  I told them that since they had made a diagnosis that she needed that kind of care, and I was unable to provided it,  that they were responsible for her well being and couldn't release her.  They reluctantly agreed and set about the task of declaring Ma incompetent so she could be placed in a safe environment.  We are currently awaiting the declaration of incompetence from the staff psychiatrist to start the process.  


     I went to the hospital this afternoon to try and calm Ma down.  It had the opposite effect and she has expressed considerable rancor towards her Shanty Caregiver.  She probably would have made assessments about my lineage if she wasn't so intimately  involved in that reproductive miracle.  She refused to put on her hospital gown and was walking around in street clothes with her house keys saying she wanted a cab.  They have prescribed Haldol a powerful anti-psychotic medication that they assure me will make her more cooperative.  I am really torn as Ma has been declining fast and I suspect that the downward spiral is going to pick up speed.  At some level I feel like I have failed her while at the same time feeling a freedom I haven't known in years.  I am intermittently free, guilty and afraid.  Free to reclaim my life which has been on hold a long time.  Guilty of putting the woman who raised us kids,  with little help while working as a waitress, into a sometimes heartless system.  Afraid of being alone when my time comes, as it does to all.  


     I want to thank all of you for the encouragement and prayers offered during this last two years.  The most difficult time in my life.  Losing my Father and Sister was painful but not as painful as watching Ma decline over these last six years.  The unexplainable fears she experienced, the inability to reason out the simplest things,  the loss of her personal freedoms, and the loss of her dignity.  This offering has been quite cathartic as I had no place to go to express my frustrations.  I explain and reveal myself better in writing than I do in person.  I am thankful to Ma for her insistence on a Catholic education where the nuns honed my writing skills and wit, sometimes forcefully.   All Mothers have a special place in my heart, especially those who get little or no help from absent or disinterested Fathers.  Ma's influence in my life is unquestionable and I guess a little guilt is a small price to pay for her lifetime of sacrifice.  I hope this blog has been a source of comfort and amusement to all who have followed it this year and hope you find my newest offering, "The Mad Rants Of A Maladjusted Miscreant" equally entertaining and insightful.