Her sister's husband passed last year on March the 16th, the day before my Father's passing. Out of respect, and an attempt to get Ma involved with something, I initiated a phone call to my Aunt and put Ma on the phone. We spent hundreds of dollars on this phone which has a digital screen so you can read what the other person is saying, Ma insists on trying to hear the other person. She spends 15-20 minutes of every phone call switching ears, turning the hearing aid on and off before finally succumbing to reading the infernal screen. Then the delusional ramblings begin about my Father, my Sister, my Cousin who had a serious brain injury at Christmas last year. The conversation is predictable as she says the same things over and over again. My Aunt is frustrated by my Mother's ramblings and eventually hangs up and Ma continues to talk until at some point she realizes she is talking to herself and then goes to her room to cry.
I have begun to feel increasingly concerned over Ma's safety. She tried to check that the door was locked from outside the apartment and timidly knocked to get me to let her back in. The idea that you would check the door locking from the outside is kind of disturbing. She is getting up 2 - 3 times a night to check the locks, from the inside most of the time. I am questioning my ability to care for her much longer. I could not live with myself if I was negligently responsible for her being injured. I am not sure I can live with myself if I put her in a skilled nursing facility. I can't really win, damned if you do and damned if you don't.
