When using the crock pot to make a stew, chili or a roast you can usually leave the offering in the pot all day and go about your business secure in the knowledge that it should be cooked adequately after you return home. Unless..., Ma, who has become unusually afraid of electric appliances, unplugs the the concoction at some indeterminable place in the cooking process. Then a guessing game occurs as to how much time remains to cook and when it will be of an edible quality. If I am very lucky she has not put the crock pot, still hot, into the refrigerator with the plug still attached melting the plastic coating on the refrigerator shelves and making the plug wet in an attempt to electrocute her unsuspecting caregiver. I have taken to cooking in the crock pot at night when I am sleeping on the couch to keep Ma from taking a late night walk during some delusional nightmare. I now multitask while sleeping by blocking access to the door and cooking at the same time. Sometimes my inventiveness even impresses me.
Cooking in the microwave requires constant checking and often interferes with Ma reheating her tea. No problem, whatever is being cooked can be removed in mid processing and be replaced with a mug of tea temporarily soothing Ma's insatiable thirst. Besides, Ma can't set the timer properly and to find the device with time actually running on it is a real treat. Just set whatever is in the Microwave to the side, reheat the brew, and walk away leaving the previously cooking item in some unrelated location like on a chair or in a cabinet. It has become a game not unlike hide and seek or blind man's bluff. How much time elapsed before the interruption? How much time passed during the interruption? And my personal favorite, where the hell is the food?
Clean up is a real treat. The hair on the back of my neck stands up as I hear Ma rattling dishes, pyrex bowls or glasses in the sink. In self defense I try to clean as I go but I often want to rest and digest my food before cleanup. Ma has a sixth sense about this and she bee lines to the sink while I am distracted where she pretends to clean the dishes. She rinses them, dries them and slams the glass wear into the cupboards and the utensils into the drawer. More often than not a glass breaks or a dish cracks and they are put in the cupboard anyway. Thank God they probably still have some food on them which acts as a glue holding them together till her caregiver reluctantly removes them from their resting place to give them a proper cleansing, If not broken. I would like to have stock in Buffalo China or Pyrex as I am sure their stock has increased in value since Ma has aged.
Leftovers are a challenge as Ma doesn't seem to believe in wrapping paper. Various unidentified items are often found in the refrigerator, uncovered or in bowls with dishes covering the top, or covered with paper plates. The only thing you can count on is that she did not use the clear wrap that is in plain sight on the counter top.
Trash removal is another issue. Empty cans and other containers are found in some unusual hiding places, sometimes rinsed, sometimes not. Hidden in the back of cupboards, on the floor in the coat closet, on the window sill, or under the sink. One thing is certain, it is not where you would logically expect it to be. Just another way that Ma helps sharpen my deductive skills. I can tell when Ma has taken out the trash. 100% of the time the hinged cover is on the plastic container backwards. Where she is taking the trash I have yet to find out. I am not sure I want to know.
