It didn't take long to appreciate how debilitated she had become as her hearing was all but gone and her vision wasn't much better. You could hear the TV playing from the street when she was watching and she sat right on top of it. She would turn the water on in the sink at night and go to sleep with it running. I would get up in the night and find water throughout the house and the wooden drawers full of water. She would put something on the stove and it would melt the utensils. She began blaming the stove for her forgetfulness and started taking it apart to repair it, making it much worse. I would come home and smell gas by the front door and have to air the house out as she sat watching TV blissfully unaware. I began disconnecting the appliances to insure she couldn't hurt herself and she continued to diminish. She began talking incessantly about the same things that happened in the 1950's but couldn't tell you what she had for lunch.
Just before Christmas 2006 we decided that she could no longer drive a car, about 5 years later than when we should have done something. My Brother went to the DMV and made the courageous move to notify the State that my mother was no longer fit to drive. Her venomous reaction to his efforts was frightening to say the least. She was required to take a new driving exam if she was to be given a new license. She knew she wouldn't be able to pass but insisted she could still drive. We had two cars at the time and I gave one, mine to my daughter as Ma could not be trusted not to drive when no one was there watching. I even had to hide the car at night as she took joyrides when I was sleeping. This loss of independence was the beginning of a startling loss of competence and awareness. In 2007 my brother and I had to take Power of Attorney to manage her affairs for her. This was particularly difficult as it marked the time when she stopped feeling responsible for her surroundings and lost track of time and space.
I used to take Ma shopping every week as she enjoyed it. I tried to have her maintain some kind of independent activity but she could not complete the simplest of tasks. Her shopping trips became a major burden as she was indecisive and couldn't complete the job without an assist. My daughter and I would take turns with her and I would give Ma cash to pay for her groceries which she would lose by the time she got to the checkout. One day I left her in the Produce Department at a local market and left to get my haircut and car washed. I returned to the store about 1-1/2 hours after I had left her and she was still in the Produce Department. That was the last time I took Ma shopping. I called my friend Patty and told her I had earned my place in heaven and that God was not even going to kill me. He was going to take me directly to my eternal reward. She intimated to me that she felt I was overstating my contribution and just may have to go the normal way.
My brother and I had to clean up some financial messes as Ma had stopped paying bills regularly and the level of her financial straits were not appreciated until we acquired Power of Attorney. Ma did not have the financial wherewithal to stop the tidal wave of unmet obligations so my brother and I helped right her financial ship. From that point on she did not pay any bills or manage any money. She would hide money so no one would steal it (???) and then she wouldn't remember where it was hidden. My sister once found $380 in peculiar places when she was helping Ma look for some she had misplaced. Un-cashed checks and hidden mail had become the norm as Ma figured if you didn't see the bills you didn't have any. We had to secure the mailbox to insure the statements were seen by myself. As my Father's health deteriorated and he required more of my attention, Ma's inability to care for herself became a more urgent concern. This last year has been a real challenge as Ma cannot remember to take medicines she requires and her desire to remain viable and independent create a need in her to pretend she is more competent than she really is. The loss of independence is a harsh punishment for a woman who spent her life helping others and nurturing her grandchildren into adulthood.
